Monkey Monday: The Return!

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Earlier this month, a lab in Switzerland came under fire for planning to study the effects of cocaine on monkeys. Their scheme was to addict the simians, and then cure them of said addiction. Seems like a pretty wonderful thing for junkies worldwide. And if you agree then holy shit do the Swiss League Against Animal Testing (LSCV) think you’re an asshole. In a petition sent to the Swiss Federal Food Safety and Veterinary Office (OSAV), a petition that has already garnered 15,000 signatures, the organization demands that… something. Sorry. I tried to read it, but the Swiss communicate in a gibberish language as indecipherable as Cuneiform, but the gist I think is they want the experiment halted. Why? Because it’s animal cruelty.

Got that? Getting monkeys high is cruel.

Listen, I’m no monkey-ologist, but I’m pretty sure the monkeys disagree. In fact, if I were one of them I’d be like, “Hey, do you have any idea what Volkswagen does to their monkeys? Or Revlon? Or the jungle? Sure, being a lab animal sucks, but for the next few months we get to blow fat lines of high grade Colombian sugar, and you want to stop it? Why don’t you go back to counting your Nazi gold you chocolate making cheese fuckers and keep your yodel holes shut. Also, you suck at acronyms.”



CRP Book Blog: 5 Stars!


Boom! Another five star review, this time from the very discerning Catherine Rose Putsche. And I say discerning with all seriousness, she consumes only top notch novels from truly gifted authors. Don’t let the fact that she read a superhero noir fool you (I think she was drunk when she agreed to review me, so yay vodka!)

Dear Mark Zuckerberg, Take All Four Fucking Months


Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

As a struggling author and full time father/homemaker I never really thought we had much in common, outside of the fact that we both have Facebook accounts. At least that was the case until I heard that you’ll be a dad soon (mazel tov!). Raising a kid is the hardest, funnest, and most rewarding thing you’ll ever do, and while I normally shy away from giving advice to new parents, when I heard you were taking only two months of your potential four month paternity leave, I’ve changed my stance. So if you’ll allow me, I would now like to give you a little advice, dad-to-dad: take all four fucking months.

See, you’re the legendary founder of one of the world’s most dynamic companies, and in dynamic companies the team takes their cues from the leader. Thus, you shape a lot of lives by your actions. Like if you get a hoodie, all your employees will get hoodies. Or if you make limiting scope creep a priority, they’ll make limiting scope creep a priority. And if you only take two months off for your child’s birth, they’ll only take two months off for their child’s birth.

And that. Is not. Enough.

You see Mark, parenting ain’t a full time job. Full time jobs give you weekends and nights off. You get sick days. Vacations. None of that shit happens in parenting because parenting’s an all-your-time job. One that takes a lot of effort, and that can put a tremendous strain on even the strongest marriage. And that’s why people need their leave; to adjust to this new normal, to get the hang of their new roles, and gain some perspective on how much work a baby is so nobody gets taken for granted or treated unfairly. This new equilibrium takes a while to get the hang of. And that while is a hell of lot longer than sixty days.

So when Facebook employees follow your lead and only take two months for their own children they’re doing a lot more than merely proving their loyalty, drive, or toughness. They’re sacrificing the time they need to strengthen the bonds with their spouses and babies. This can lead to an instability within the family, greater stress, and I predict lower overall performance. But more importantly it also leads to less memories. Less joy. Less laughter. Less love.

And that’s for families not just in your employ. This will also affect other companies who look to your leadership, and will alter their parental leave policies accordingly. And frankly, American families already have enough to deal with.

So Mr. Zuckerberg, Mark, you changed the world for the better as the CEO of Facebook. Now it’s time to do that again as a dad.

And take all four fucking months of parental leave. Your employees, your country, and your wife, will thank you.


Dane_Curse_Cover Final

Dane Curse is now available on a few different platforms. Which ones? ALL of them! So if you don’t dig the kindle, or avoid Amazon in general, you’re now able to take a ride through Gold Coast City with the gas mashed down and the windows wide open. Enjoy!

On Smashwords…

On the Nook…

On Kobo…

On Apple iBooks… (go to itunes)

*Promo post w/excerpt* Hot Basque by Laurette Long

While I spit hot PI palaver steeped in testosterone I’d be a fool not to recognize the obvious skills of Laurette Long, who’s trio of lovely ladies mix it up just right. Big ups to A Readers Review Blog for showing her love!


Hot Basque is the second novel of A French Summer by Laurette Long. The characters do cross over into book 2, however both novels can be read as stand-alones. I am looking forward to reviewing Hot Basque over the coming weeks, and I’m sure it will be a beautiful, scenic contemporary romance! A perfect holiday read!! (Please read below for an excerpt and author bio!) 🙂

COVER HOT BASQUETitle: Hot Basque: A French Summer Novel 2

Author: Laurette Long

Genre: Contemporary Romance, Chick-Lit

Release date: May 11th, 2015

Length: 341 pages

Blurb:Sit back with a glass of chilled rosé and let yourself be carried away to the white sands and pounding surf of the French Basque coast. What could be more relaxing? Find out what’s going on at the Villa Julia, where Caroline and her honey are enjoying the song of the crickets, the glow of the stars and happy…

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A tremendous mahalo to Jael’s Reviews, the first official book reviewer to visit Gold Coast City!

I’m thrilled to present to you Dane Curse: A Black Cape Case File by Matt Abraham. This is a classic noir gumshoe detective novel featuring Private Detective Dane Curse, who has a wicked past.
A particularly interesting aspect to this story is that it takes place in a comic book type world where there are super villains and superheroes that have supernatural abilities, such as flying, fighting with superhuman strength and speed, fighting with ice daggers and dodging bullets. In book one, Dane is asked to investigate the death of one of the world’s most famous hero’s. It is filled with lots of action and humour, and will keep you engaged and entertained. I definitely look forward to reading more mysteries from The Gold Coast!

-Jael’s Reviews